Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 8

As we said in the previous article that changing the story  that we tell ourselves will automatically change how we look at ourselves,  so we begin to look at ourselves and who we really are from a completely deferent perspective. And now, since we know how to overcome social anxiety, we need the change missing ingredient. 

The main role of this ingredient is to help us bridge between what we intend to do and taking the necessary action to make that happen. To make what we truely want becomes a reality. So the change missing ingredient is :   

N°8 Develop courage.

All around the world there are millions of people that neither you nor I know. These people are great, more knowledgeable and more sofisticated. But the question is why we don’t see those peolpe on TV shows ? Why media doesn’t talk about them ? Why we don’t know them ?

 These people even if they are great at what they do, even if they have more knowledge than those who are on TV shows, and even if they are more sofisticated than those who are famous, they need the missing ingredient that will take them from the level of the not known to the level of the well known. You know what they lack, They lack COURAGE.

There are many people who have great dreams that would make them make a deffirence in this world but because they didn’t have enough courage they died with their dreams in their minds.

There are also others that it took them several years to first find out why things didn’t work out for them. And once they knew it, it took them another several years to develop that skill to help them break through and live the life they dreamed about. And eventually they made it because they didn't give up easily.
  
Ovrcoming social anxiety needs COURAGE in the first place. Because if you are courageous you can develop the competence  to overcome almost any challenge in your life, however,  if you are competent and knowledgeable but you don’t have courage you will never succeed.

Why people most of the time say that they are not confident or they don’t have enough confidence to do something. And the same applies to you. The problem is not that you are unconfident, the REAL problem is that you only don’t have enough courage to step out and accomplish the things you would like to accomplish before , I am sorry, you DIE.

Confidence is simply the courage needed to accomplish a given task or to overcome certain obstacles in your life. So if you work hard to develop your courage, your confidence will evolve. Because your confidence is litterally a true reflection of your inner courage.  

To overcome social anxiety you need COURAGE. It’s only courge that will turn you around. COURAGE will make of you who you want to be IF you develop it.


The process of overcoming social anxiety will take you a life time, and you’ll do nothing, if you don’t have the courage. For all those who couldn’t overcome social anxiety, they didn’t know that they need courage and they didn’t even try to find out what would help them to overcome it. They didn’t know the missing piece of the puzzle. 

Courage, boldness or guts that’s the cure to social anxiety. For it takes a lot of guts to make change.


And remember : “IT TAKES COURAGE TO GROW UP AND TURN OUT TO BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE“ and also 

“COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSCENECE OF FEAR,  IT IS THE ABILITY TO ACT IN THE PRESENCE OF FEAR“ Bruce Lee.

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Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 7

As we said that overcoming social anxiety begins with a good inner conversation with ourselves about ourselves. Because what makes people unable to overcome social anxiety or anything in their lives is the negative conversation running in their heads. 


      Today  we’re going to move deeper concerning the inner conversation. We’re going to talk about creating a constructive story about yourself, a story that will help you break through almost any obstacle in your life. So today’s idea is :

N°7 If you change your story, you change your life.

 Each one of us has a story that he created about himself, a story that he believes it reflects, what he thought, his reality. We created this story when we were young when people talk down to us and we believed that what they told us is true, so we based our story upon what they told us because at some level we thought it’s who we are.

  We believed that our story represents who we are because we’ve heard the same insults so and the same comparisons with others, who are better than us, many times untill those words became ingraved in our minds so we couldn’t replace them with positive ideas that would build us up.

 Now the question is how to create a new story about who we truely are and what we’re capable of doing.

   The answer is simply to take a paper and sit down to write the new story about what you think you really are.

Your story can be simply a colection of incantations or positive ideas that you start to tell yourself. And to help override your old useless story you can simply use REPETITION.

 Repetition makes perfect.

If you want to override your old story you need to repeat the new one many times a day for at least thirty days. It is a bit difficult but this is the rule of the game and you have to be aware of that when you repeat your new story to yourself. Do it for thirty days at least, then miracles will begin to show up in your life.

You have to tell yourself that I am repeating this story to myself because I want to change the old counterproductive one, and I have to do it if I want that change to happen.

I know that it’s hard to change and the begining is the hardest part in any new thing you want to do. And remember nothing comes for free.

YOU HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE OF CHANGE.

Concerning overcoming social anxiety you only need to create a new practical story and to repeat it to yourself many times during the next thirty days, day after day, that’s how you are going to install your new story in your mind.

Your story should be something like this “I know how to overcome social anxiety, I am an overcomer. And  there is nothing that can hold me back from overcoming social anxiety. I am powerful and Iam going to make it“


      But if you have a story like this one on the picture bellow you'd better change it. Becouse if you keep it in your mind it will ruin your entier life.

         Remember :If you change your story, you change your life.     

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Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 6

In the previous article we’ve seen that the fear of failure leads to failure and that forgiving yourself is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself. 

    Forgiving yourself is  not a birthday  gift that you can wait for someone else to give it to you someday.

   Overcoming social anxiety begins first with forgiving yourself. For all the mistakes and failures that you had simply forgive yourself. 

   I know that it’s difficult for many people to forgive themselves for what they did in the past. If you, too, find it difficult difficult at least you can try for trying won’t kill you.

One of the ways that can can help you forgive yourself is to talk positively to yourself. And this will teach you how to overcome social anxiety through talking to yourself in a positive way about your social anxiety. So today’s idea is :

N°6 talk to yourself in a constructive way.

      Almost everyone on this planet talk to himself either silently or overtly. But I think that there is no one who doesn’t talk to himself  in one way or the other. There are also two types of talking to oneslf. We have the destructive, or what’s called the negative, way. On the other hand, we have the constructive, or the positive, way.




   Do you know that 75% of what we say to ourselves is negative ! so how would someone overcome any challenge in their life with having that distructive inner conversation running in their minds.

Let consider having this inner conversation eventhough you know how to overcome social anxiety :“hey what are you going to do ? Don’t tell me that you are going to talk to those guys over there. Just don’t bother yourself by doing so. You know that you are a big loser, especially when dealing with people and social gatherings. Do you remember how many times you tried to talk to people and make friendships with them but you failed, you failed many times. I know that it hurts to fail talking to people and making friendships that's why I want you sit here, ALONE, and relax because Iam sure you can’t handle the pain of rejection.“

How would you overcome social anxiety carrying this inner conversation in your head ? How come ? but what if you changed this inner conversation. What do you think  will happen ? you want to know, ok. When you change your inner conversation from negative into the new positive one, the miracle begins to happen to you.

  Now let’s consider again this inner conversation after you’ve seen a group of guys :“ Hey ! you know that you can easily introduce yourself to those guys and engage with them in any conversation they are having. You can do it now even if you couldn’t do it in the past, because it is so easy and all people have friends, why not you ! If they can do it you can do it. Where is the problem. Are you afraid to fail ? Failing is not the big deal. If you do it and fail you try again and again untill you make it. You are more than able to do it. So don’t worry and go ahead to make that happen.“

Now you might ask. How can I have this type of inner conversation ? The first step is to believe that you can change your conversation. The seconde step is to sit down and take a piece of paper and write on it your old negative conversation. On the other side you start creating the conversation you believe is suitable to you. The gest of the conversation  should focus on the idea that you are an overcomer, and try to be as truthful with yourself as possible you can. Don't ever lie to yourself.
      And remember that YOU can DO whatever thing YOU want even overcoming social anxiety will become  part of the past. And bear in mind that all the change, all the glory that you are seeking COMES, AND BEGINS, FROM WITHIN.

“ life is a fight for territory, if you stop fighting for what YOU WANT, what you DON’T want will automatically take over“ bear that in mind, too.
       

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Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 4

As we said that if want to make any change concerning you overcoming social anxiety that it is a must to believe in yourself, it is a must to believe that you can change yourself, that you can overcome social anxiety and become the best version of you. So if you want to begin the process of change let me  introduce you another idea on how to overcome social anxiety which is :

N°4 : You are ONLY responsible for yourself.

    Did you hear the story of that ambitious child who wanted to change the world but after ten years of trying he said “ it’s hard changing the world, but I don’t give up and Iam going to change my country“ and after another ten years he said “oh my god it’s hard changing my country so Iam going to change my city, however after ten years he failed then he said Iam going to change the street where I live but that didn’t work as well, so eventually he decided to change his family and that was really hard. Unfortunately when he was on his death bed he realized the reality that he should start with himself first.

 When he realized that he said “ I was wrong for being responsible for the whole world. I had to be responsible for myself first and to beging to change myself first, and when my family see the change they would do the same as I did, and when our neighbours see that we’re changing for the better they may do the same and beging with themselves, too, and this will help my city to change and that will help my country to move ahead and help the world to become a better place“ but it was too late when he realized that.

Be responsible for yourself first, look around you and think of all the successsful people in any area. People such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Oprah, Tony Robbins, Ghandi and others. You’ll find out that those people were responsible for themselvesand for changing themselves in the first place that’s why they became who they are today. And you can read about them if you want some inspiration.

  Keep in mind that there is nobody who’s going to take care of you better than you, there is nobody who’s going to quit his job for you. There is nobody who’s going to give his car away to you. And all they can give you is their opinions and critics when they see you making any progress changing your life. That’s why I want you to have the mind set that“ I don’t care about people’s opinions about me, it’s just their opinions“

 You are ONLY responsible for yourself, for changing yourself, for overcoming social anxiety and for being who you want to become. You are the only responsible for that, it’s only you who has the power to create that. You can do anything you want, but you have to be responsible for yourself. I want you to know that the process of changing your self is hard, it’s hard changing yourself if you did not take responsiblity for that. 

Be responsible for yourself and for what you are going to do,  because nothing happens by chance. And overcoming social anxiety which is your challenge will never be resolved by chance. It will be resolved when you take responsibility for it. You have to do what it takes to overcome it and “ don’t try to provide explanations why you did something, which is good for you no matter what it is, for people will only hear what they want“ so I want you to have the mind set that “ Iam responsible for my mind, Iam resposible for the results of my thinking thus Iam responsible for my life“.

  Being responsible for yourself is one of the keys that will help you open the door of change.

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How To Overcome Social Anxiety. Part3

Overcoming social anxiety is not that big problem that many people find it difficult to deal with or think it’s difficult to free themselves of it, to completely overcome that social anxiety and to become more and more social. And here are some tips to help overcoming social anxiety :

What is social anxiety ?

as we've seen in previous articles the causes of social anxiety  the causes that leads to social anxiety the causes that lead to social anxiety . Here are the last two things that may cause to suffer from social anxiey. and in the next articles we're going to talk about some practical solutions to help you overcoming social anxiety.

N°5 You’re not perfect : Are you perfect? blindly I can say "no", you aren’t. And  one of the most important things that you have to know is that neither you nor me are perfect.

We’re not Perfect and we were created to make mistakes, and being imperfect is one of the greatest gifts that we have. We can make mistakes and instead of blaming ourselves or feeling embarrassed, we can simply say IAM NOT PERFECT, Iam not an angel. That’s it, it’s that easy but the problem is that we’re in a society that magnifies the trivial mistakes that we make.

We feel ashamed just because we spilled some milk on the floor, and our parents instead of saying it’s ok and taking a towel and clean the floor they start their blaming, insulting and complaining speech over us. And what we do in order to avoide that pain, we go to our room and close on ourselves. And at the age of 4-7 years we begin to enjoy our solitude, our loneliness, since it is pain free. This little problem leads us to becoming introverted, this problem evolves and becomes what’s called social anxiety.

So whenever we encouter any tiny problem outside, and because we didn’t learn to face our problems at a young age,we run away home, go upstairs to our room, our safe castle and begin to spend hours and hours there afraid to go out. So please make mistakes, it’s your right. You are not perfect and you’ll never be perfect. And if you don’t make mistakes know that you didn’t try anything new that would help revolutionize your life, or simply help you at least overcome social anxiety and become the person you want to be.

N°6 : Lack of courage: many people know what to do to overcoming social anxiety, they know how to do it and they know the outcome they’re going to get, which they wish for, if they do it. But for some reason they don’t do it. Have you ever asked yourself that? Have you ever asked yourself why Iam doing nothing to deal with this problem? Why I let it take me over? The answer to these questions, and many others, is that you don’t have the courage to stand up for yourself and deal with your real issues.

You’re not courageous, you don’t have the guts to face your problems, you prefer to avoide them or put them aside. But the good news is that you can develop courage and become as bold as a lion. You can become courageous through doing many things such as listening to positive messages and motivational videos, listen to them again and again and again. Read some self help books, because information changes situations. And remember that you can become as bold as a lion, if you stop discounting yourself.     

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How to Overcome Social Anxiety. Part2

To overcoming social anxiety is not that big problem that many people find it difficult to deal with or think it’s difficult to free themselves of it, to completely overcome that social anxiety and to become more and more social. And here are some tips to help overcoming social anxiety :

What causes social anxiety? Part2

As we’ve seen in the previous article, some of what causes social anxiety were discounting oneself and lack of self approval. Today we’re going to talk about the other two crucial things that cause you social anxiety :

N°3 Lack of confidence: one of the definitions of confidence is doing what you fear, but the problem with you as well as others is that I know that you know how to overcome social anxiety but for some reason you don’t do anything about it. You come up with many excuses why not to do it, and the main reason behind all these excuses is FEAR. Fear of facing your fear of being around people, fear of being in social gatherings. 

You don’t have the courage to take that leap to go out and find out, you rather prefer to come up with excuses not to do it than to feel the fear and do it anyway. And remember, if you look for reasons not to do it, you’ll find them. But if you want to change who you are for the better, you can. And this is important “ You can make excuses, millions of excuses, or you can simply overcoming social anxiety but you cannot do them both.“

N°4 The comfort zone: The comfort zone is the zone of comfort and relaxation. It is your zone where you feel at ease because it is pain free. It is free from trouble and from pain, and there are two main forces that drive people, and these forces are Happiness and Pain. People tend to do things that make them feel happy and try to avoide the painful situations that they have to breakthrough, and that’s your problem as well. 

You want to overcoming social anxiety but at the same time you  want to avoide the pain that your attempt may generate, and that’s what Paulo Coelho says “ People want to change everything and, at the same time, want it all to remain the same.“ We want to change everything and we want to stay in our comfort zone as well. And remember, you can get out of your comfort zone and overcome social anxiety, or you can sit in your comfort zone and do nothing, but you cannot do them both.

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