Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 8

As we said in the previous article that changing the story  that we tell ourselves will automatically change how we look at ourselves,  so we begin to look at ourselves and who we really are from a completely deferent perspective. And now, since we know how to overcome social anxiety, we need the change missing ingredient. 

The main role of this ingredient is to help us bridge between what we intend to do and taking the necessary action to make that happen. To make what we truely want becomes a reality. So the change missing ingredient is :   

N°8 Develop courage.

All around the world there are millions of people that neither you nor I know. These people are great, more knowledgeable and more sofisticated. But the question is why we don’t see those peolpe on TV shows ? Why media doesn’t talk about them ? Why we don’t know them ?

 These people even if they are great at what they do, even if they have more knowledge than those who are on TV shows, and even if they are more sofisticated than those who are famous, they need the missing ingredient that will take them from the level of the not known to the level of the well known. You know what they lack, They lack COURAGE.

There are many people who have great dreams that would make them make a deffirence in this world but because they didn’t have enough courage they died with their dreams in their minds.

There are also others that it took them several years to first find out why things didn’t work out for them. And once they knew it, it took them another several years to develop that skill to help them break through and live the life they dreamed about. And eventually they made it because they didn't give up easily.
  
Ovrcoming social anxiety needs COURAGE in the first place. Because if you are courageous you can develop the competence  to overcome almost any challenge in your life, however,  if you are competent and knowledgeable but you don’t have courage you will never succeed.

Why people most of the time say that they are not confident or they don’t have enough confidence to do something. And the same applies to you. The problem is not that you are unconfident, the REAL problem is that you only don’t have enough courage to step out and accomplish the things you would like to accomplish before , I am sorry, you DIE.

Confidence is simply the courage needed to accomplish a given task or to overcome certain obstacles in your life. So if you work hard to develop your courage, your confidence will evolve. Because your confidence is litterally a true reflection of your inner courage.  

To overcome social anxiety you need COURAGE. It’s only courge that will turn you around. COURAGE will make of you who you want to be IF you develop it.


The process of overcoming social anxiety will take you a life time, and you’ll do nothing, if you don’t have the courage. For all those who couldn’t overcome social anxiety, they didn’t know that they need courage and they didn’t even try to find out what would help them to overcome it. They didn’t know the missing piece of the puzzle. 

Courage, boldness or guts that’s the cure to social anxiety. For it takes a lot of guts to make change.


And remember : “IT TAKES COURAGE TO GROW UP AND TURN OUT TO BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE“ and also 

“COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSCENECE OF FEAR,  IT IS THE ABILITY TO ACT IN THE PRESENCE OF FEAR“ Bruce Lee.

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Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 7

As we said that overcoming social anxiety begins with a good inner conversation with ourselves about ourselves. Because what makes people unable to overcome social anxiety or anything in their lives is the negative conversation running in their heads. 


      Today  we’re going to move deeper concerning the inner conversation. We’re going to talk about creating a constructive story about yourself, a story that will help you break through almost any obstacle in your life. So today’s idea is :

N°7 If you change your story, you change your life.

 Each one of us has a story that he created about himself, a story that he believes it reflects, what he thought, his reality. We created this story when we were young when people talk down to us and we believed that what they told us is true, so we based our story upon what they told us because at some level we thought it’s who we are.

  We believed that our story represents who we are because we’ve heard the same insults so and the same comparisons with others, who are better than us, many times untill those words became ingraved in our minds so we couldn’t replace them with positive ideas that would build us up.

 Now the question is how to create a new story about who we truely are and what we’re capable of doing.

   The answer is simply to take a paper and sit down to write the new story about what you think you really are.

Your story can be simply a colection of incantations or positive ideas that you start to tell yourself. And to help override your old useless story you can simply use REPETITION.

 Repetition makes perfect.

If you want to override your old story you need to repeat the new one many times a day for at least thirty days. It is a bit difficult but this is the rule of the game and you have to be aware of that when you repeat your new story to yourself. Do it for thirty days at least, then miracles will begin to show up in your life.

You have to tell yourself that I am repeating this story to myself because I want to change the old counterproductive one, and I have to do it if I want that change to happen.

I know that it’s hard to change and the begining is the hardest part in any new thing you want to do. And remember nothing comes for free.

YOU HAVE TO PAY THE PRICE OF CHANGE.

Concerning overcoming social anxiety you only need to create a new practical story and to repeat it to yourself many times during the next thirty days, day after day, that’s how you are going to install your new story in your mind.

Your story should be something like this “I know how to overcome social anxiety, I am an overcomer. And  there is nothing that can hold me back from overcoming social anxiety. I am powerful and Iam going to make it“


      But if you have a story like this one on the picture bellow you'd better change it. Becouse if you keep it in your mind it will ruin your entier life.

         Remember :If you change your story, you change your life.     

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Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 6

In the previous article we’ve seen that the fear of failure leads to failure and that forgiving yourself is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself. 

    Forgiving yourself is  not a birthday  gift that you can wait for someone else to give it to you someday.

   Overcoming social anxiety begins first with forgiving yourself. For all the mistakes and failures that you had simply forgive yourself. 

   I know that it’s difficult for many people to forgive themselves for what they did in the past. If you, too, find it difficult difficult at least you can try for trying won’t kill you.

One of the ways that can can help you forgive yourself is to talk positively to yourself. And this will teach you how to overcome social anxiety through talking to yourself in a positive way about your social anxiety. So today’s idea is :

N°6 talk to yourself in a constructive way.

      Almost everyone on this planet talk to himself either silently or overtly. But I think that there is no one who doesn’t talk to himself  in one way or the other. There are also two types of talking to oneslf. We have the destructive, or what’s called the negative, way. On the other hand, we have the constructive, or the positive, way.




   Do you know that 75% of what we say to ourselves is negative ! so how would someone overcome any challenge in their life with having that distructive inner conversation running in their minds.

Let consider having this inner conversation eventhough you know how to overcome social anxiety :“hey what are you going to do ? Don’t tell me that you are going to talk to those guys over there. Just don’t bother yourself by doing so. You know that you are a big loser, especially when dealing with people and social gatherings. Do you remember how many times you tried to talk to people and make friendships with them but you failed, you failed many times. I know that it hurts to fail talking to people and making friendships that's why I want you sit here, ALONE, and relax because Iam sure you can’t handle the pain of rejection.“

How would you overcome social anxiety carrying this inner conversation in your head ? How come ? but what if you changed this inner conversation. What do you think  will happen ? you want to know, ok. When you change your inner conversation from negative into the new positive one, the miracle begins to happen to you.

  Now let’s consider again this inner conversation after you’ve seen a group of guys :“ Hey ! you know that you can easily introduce yourself to those guys and engage with them in any conversation they are having. You can do it now even if you couldn’t do it in the past, because it is so easy and all people have friends, why not you ! If they can do it you can do it. Where is the problem. Are you afraid to fail ? Failing is not the big deal. If you do it and fail you try again and again untill you make it. You are more than able to do it. So don’t worry and go ahead to make that happen.“

Now you might ask. How can I have this type of inner conversation ? The first step is to believe that you can change your conversation. The seconde step is to sit down and take a piece of paper and write on it your old negative conversation. On the other side you start creating the conversation you believe is suitable to you. The gest of the conversation  should focus on the idea that you are an overcomer, and try to be as truthful with yourself as possible you can. Don't ever lie to yourself.
      And remember that YOU can DO whatever thing YOU want even overcoming social anxiety will become  part of the past. And bear in mind that all the change, all the glory that you are seeking COMES, AND BEGINS, FROM WITHIN.

“ life is a fight for territory, if you stop fighting for what YOU WANT, what you DON’T want will automatically take over“ bear that in mind, too.
       

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Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 5

You remember that in the last article we said that taking resposibility for yourself is one of the main pillars of change and of overcoming social anxiety. And if you want to know how to overcome social anxiety just carry on reading and you will be surprised of the easy tips that are going to help you. And in this article we’re going to talk about one of the main fears that prevents people from overcoming social anxiety, and this fear is the fear of failure. So this article is about :

N°5 The fear of failure leads to failure.

Are you afraid to fail ? me Iam scared to death. But let’s be serious about solving our own problems, because no body is going to do us this favor. But there is only one person who can do you this favor without any conditions and I think you know him. It’s YOU ! You are the creator of your destiny.

So let me give the map of success. This map says that the first step in the road to success is you have to cross the bridge of failure before you move to the next step of being successful. So are you willing to do that? On the map there is a little advice that says “if you don’t do it that’s the real failure. “

Failure is the stepping stone to success. That everyone who’s trying to succeed in any area in life has to encounter. This is one of the rules of the success game. It’s a rule it’s not something that you can do whenever you want.

Concerning failure there is a question that needs to be answered in order to have a clear vision of what’s failure and what are it’s hidden benefits that only those who experienced it know them. And the question is why we are extremely afraid of failing ? why we don’t accept or, in other words, why we dislike failure ?
 
Simply the answer to this question has a lot to do with our childhood. You remember when you failed at school and your friends started to laugh at you or when you fail to do something at home and your parents started to blame you and told that your friends, as they thaught, are better than you at doing that, and deep within your little heart you agreed with them. Your little small voice said yes you’re right my parents and the good news is that Iam not going to fail so you can be satisfied. 

   They didn’t forgive you for that small failure, and you too you didn’t forgive yourself for that trivial situation. And from that moment on you didn’t fail in doing anything. So CONGRATULATIONS you made it, you didn’t fail.  

       Unfortunately that was the other face of the coin that is : you failed. You failed by not doing many of the things that you wanted to do when you were a kid or a teenager. So I have a question for you and I will give you the answer to it first. The answer is YES I have. The question is Do you have any regrets about anything you wanted to do but your fear of failing prevented you from doing it? 

 
     Let’s consider failure as a coin ok. On the first face we have I failed and on the second we have Ididn’t fail. Now let’s read starting with the first face moving to the second. If I failed I didn’t fail. And starting from the second face we have : If I didn’t fail I failed. That’s it. The fear of failure leads to failure. So fail overcoming social anxiety.

 Do you know why most people hate failure ? Do you know why ? simply because thay can’t FORGIVE themselve. So you want to know how to overcome social anxiety or any challenge in your life. 

The first step is try, try to overcome. Do your best with what you know. And if you fail immediately forgive yourself. Whenever you fail doing something do yourself this huge favor. FORGIVE YOURSELF. Remember that you are human. Because if your parents forgave you when you were young you wouldn’t have this problem of overcoming social anxiety, and many other problems .

So to conclude, I want you to keep this in mind. You are not a failure because you just failed many times in your life. And know that  you are going to fail, not once or twice but many many time before you get what you want. 

   Please remember that forgiveness is a GREAT gift that you give yourself. Especially at the moment you fail to do something.

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Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 4

As we said that if want to make any change concerning you overcoming social anxiety that it is a must to believe in yourself, it is a must to believe that you can change yourself, that you can overcome social anxiety and become the best version of you. So if you want to begin the process of change let me  introduce you another idea on how to overcome social anxiety which is :

N°4 : You are ONLY responsible for yourself.

    Did you hear the story of that ambitious child who wanted to change the world but after ten years of trying he said “ it’s hard changing the world, but I don’t give up and Iam going to change my country“ and after another ten years he said “oh my god it’s hard changing my country so Iam going to change my city, however after ten years he failed then he said Iam going to change the street where I live but that didn’t work as well, so eventually he decided to change his family and that was really hard. Unfortunately when he was on his death bed he realized the reality that he should start with himself first.

 When he realized that he said “ I was wrong for being responsible for the whole world. I had to be responsible for myself first and to beging to change myself first, and when my family see the change they would do the same as I did, and when our neighbours see that we’re changing for the better they may do the same and beging with themselves, too, and this will help my city to change and that will help my country to move ahead and help the world to become a better place“ but it was too late when he realized that.

Be responsible for yourself first, look around you and think of all the successsful people in any area. People such as Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Oprah, Tony Robbins, Ghandi and others. You’ll find out that those people were responsible for themselvesand for changing themselves in the first place that’s why they became who they are today. And you can read about them if you want some inspiration.

  Keep in mind that there is nobody who’s going to take care of you better than you, there is nobody who’s going to quit his job for you. There is nobody who’s going to give his car away to you. And all they can give you is their opinions and critics when they see you making any progress changing your life. That’s why I want you to have the mind set that“ I don’t care about people’s opinions about me, it’s just their opinions“

 You are ONLY responsible for yourself, for changing yourself, for overcoming social anxiety and for being who you want to become. You are the only responsible for that, it’s only you who has the power to create that. You can do anything you want, but you have to be responsible for yourself. I want you to know that the process of changing your self is hard, it’s hard changing yourself if you did not take responsiblity for that. 

Be responsible for yourself and for what you are going to do,  because nothing happens by chance. And overcoming social anxiety which is your challenge will never be resolved by chance. It will be resolved when you take responsibility for it. You have to do what it takes to overcome it and “ don’t try to provide explanations why you did something, which is good for you no matter what it is, for people will only hear what they want“ so I want you to have the mind set that “ Iam responsible for my mind, Iam resposible for the results of my thinking thus Iam responsible for my life“.

  Being responsible for yourself is one of the keys that will help you open the door of change.

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Overcoming Social Anxiety. Part 3

As we said before that if there is no pain there will be no gain. If you don’t suffer or experience the pain of overcoming social anxiety you’ll never be that social person you truely want to be. And today we’re going to talk about another idea that I believe in and that I hope it can help you in any way to become what you want. And this idea is :

 

N° 3 Believe in yourself.

Did anyone tell you you can’t do something, when you were young, and you believed them without even trying it first. Did it happen to you ? You know why ? because when we were young we easily belive what others, parents, relatives or teachers, tell us obout ourselves or about certain things in life. We belived them because they are aged and we thought that they are experienced and knowledgeable even if what they told us is completely false because we took them as right facts. As small kids we tend to believe everything we hear.

I want to talk to you about believing in one’s self because you don’t become what you want. You become what you BELIEVE. If you want to change you may or may not, but if you believe you can change Iam sure you will.

   Most people people want to become more social but deep inside them they don’t believe they can do it, they can’t believe themselves becoming who they want to be. Something withing them prevents them of taking that leap of faith, something keeps them discounting themselves. They may say “I know how to overcome social anxiety, or I know how to overcome any challenge in my life, but I don’t feel like I can do it.“  They depend on their feelings to decide what to do next, the same as you. You have an inner conflict as they do. You know how to overcome social anxiety, you know what to do, you even know how to do it, but why don’t you do it ? WHY ? Because you have that inner conflict, you move one step forward then two steps back, all the time you are double minded. So to free yourself from your inner conflict, here is an easy exercice that you can do :

    I want you to sit down and take a piece of paper on which you write down the following questions then you try to answer them. Ok. 

N°1 What I truely want to do, to achieve or to become ? n°2 what stops or prevents me from doing that ? What’s holding me back ? And the most important question is n°3 what’s important to me right now, to do it or not to do it ?

 

Don’t ask yourself what was important to you five years ago. You were young and you didn’t know what to do you didn’t know as much as you know right now. So ask yourself what’s important to you right now ? Try to be as clear as possible you can. This exercise may take five to ten minutes. But it will become your map, it will show you the way and put you on the railroad of change.

  Now that you know what to do, that you know what’s holding you back and that you know what’s important to you right now not ten years ago. You have to believe in yourself, you have to believe that you, you can do it. And if you don’t believe it you can’t achieve it as Henry Ford says “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.” And here I will tell you IF you believe you can, or you believe you can’t, in both cases, YOU’RE RIGHT.

Finally, if you want to change you have to be ambitious about what you want to do or what you want to become for “ambition is BELIEVING IN YOURSELF enven if no one else in the world does“

So keep believing in yourself and be ambitious about overcoming social anxiety andIam sure you WILL make it.

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How To Overcome Social Anxiety. Part3

Overcoming social anxiety is not that big problem that many people find it difficult to deal with or think it’s difficult to free themselves of it, to completely overcome that social anxiety and to become more and more social. And here are some tips to help overcoming social anxiety :

What is social anxiety ?

as we've seen in previous articles the causes of social anxiety  the causes that leads to social anxiety the causes that lead to social anxiety . Here are the last two things that may cause to suffer from social anxiey. and in the next articles we're going to talk about some practical solutions to help you overcoming social anxiety.

N°5 You’re not perfect : Are you perfect? blindly I can say "no", you aren’t. And  one of the most important things that you have to know is that neither you nor me are perfect.

We’re not Perfect and we were created to make mistakes, and being imperfect is one of the greatest gifts that we have. We can make mistakes and instead of blaming ourselves or feeling embarrassed, we can simply say IAM NOT PERFECT, Iam not an angel. That’s it, it’s that easy but the problem is that we’re in a society that magnifies the trivial mistakes that we make.

We feel ashamed just because we spilled some milk on the floor, and our parents instead of saying it’s ok and taking a towel and clean the floor they start their blaming, insulting and complaining speech over us. And what we do in order to avoide that pain, we go to our room and close on ourselves. And at the age of 4-7 years we begin to enjoy our solitude, our loneliness, since it is pain free. This little problem leads us to becoming introverted, this problem evolves and becomes what’s called social anxiety.

So whenever we encouter any tiny problem outside, and because we didn’t learn to face our problems at a young age,we run away home, go upstairs to our room, our safe castle and begin to spend hours and hours there afraid to go out. So please make mistakes, it’s your right. You are not perfect and you’ll never be perfect. And if you don’t make mistakes know that you didn’t try anything new that would help revolutionize your life, or simply help you at least overcome social anxiety and become the person you want to be.

N°6 : Lack of courage: many people know what to do to overcoming social anxiety, they know how to do it and they know the outcome they’re going to get, which they wish for, if they do it. But for some reason they don’t do it. Have you ever asked yourself that? Have you ever asked yourself why Iam doing nothing to deal with this problem? Why I let it take me over? The answer to these questions, and many others, is that you don’t have the courage to stand up for yourself and deal with your real issues.

You’re not courageous, you don’t have the guts to face your problems, you prefer to avoide them or put them aside. But the good news is that you can develop courage and become as bold as a lion. You can become courageous through doing many things such as listening to positive messages and motivational videos, listen to them again and again and again. Read some self help books, because information changes situations. And remember that you can become as bold as a lion, if you stop discounting yourself.     

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How To Overcome Social Anxiety. PART1

Overcoming social anxiety is not that big problem that many people find it difficult to deal with or think it’s difficult to free themselves of it, and to completely overcome that social anxiety and to become more and more social. And here are some tips to help overcoming social anxiety:

WHAT IS SOCIAL ANXIETY ?

Social anxiety is that feeling that comes to you whenever you are surrounded with people that you kow or you don’t know. That awkward feeling that makes you feel not at ease when you are with people. That feeling that prevents you from expressing yourself freely in front of people, to express your beliefs, values, the way you feel about something and to express your true self, or try to avoide facing people because you are somewhat AFRAID of something.

What causes social anxiety. Part1

N°1 Discounting oneself : have you ever asked yourself questions like this : why I feel that way when Iam around people ? Why Iam not rather happy when I interact with people ? Why I don't like to be with people? Honestly, the answer to all these questions is that you are looking down upon yourself, you think that you are not worthy, you think that people don’t deserve to be with you. And believe me that’s what makes you broke not only in the area of overcoming social anxiety but also in all the other areas in your life, because there is a saying that says : “what makes people broke is that they constantly keep discounting themselves.“ What makes people socially anxious and unable to interact with people is that they keep looking down on themselves. So never discount yourself anymore, you are already awesome just the way you are.

N°2 Lack of self approval : Many people hate to do many things, when they are alone, but once they see someone they either freeze and don’t do anything for they feel shy or embarrassed, or they start to behave in a different way and they start to talk in a different way. They change everything, they give up who they are and they become completely someone else and they do so just to impress people and to avoide awkward situations. 

We try to impress people because we want them to approve what we do so we feel satisfied even if we completely dislike what we are doing and because we are afraid to stand up for ourselves and do what we want not what others want. We give others more importance than we give ourselves but the moment you start feeling that you are important you'll begin to overcoming social anxiety and become more social. 

So stop trying to impress all the people and start to impress yourself, start to love yourself, unconditional love, as you are, start to enjoy yourself because if you don’t love yourself you won’t love your life and if you don’t enjoy yourself you won’t enjoy your life.

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